Dearest Sweet Pea-
This Saturday marks the day you would have joined our family. All of the “what ifs” continue to go through my mind. I think what the moment you were born would have been like. Would you look like me or Daddy? Would you cry like Brooks? Would you have had a head full of hair and long fingers? I wonder who would have been there. And I wonder how I would have done it all without Mimi.
But, as we both know, our love took a unique turn last October. And although I still cry thinking about the events that unfolded I am comforted by the fact that you never knew any pain. Mommy and Daddy struggled to decide what would be best for you. We also wanted your big brother to be able to best deal with what was happening. I was your life support for those 5 months and I will never forget that special time we spent together. I would talk with you all day long. Before we lost you I read a weekly update on the pregnancy that said you could hear our voices. I am so glad I had that time to reassure you how loved and wanted you were. You were going to complete our family. You were to be the “baby” of the family. And let me tell you, from one baby to another, it is quite the role.
But none of that was to be. . . You were meant to be with Jesus and although I think of you everyday, I know you are healed and living among the angels in heaven. So until we meet again, know that your “life” here was not without impact. Although we didn’t get the chance to see your beautiful face, you brought love to our family. You showed us that we are not in control, and we have to appreciate the time we have with those we love.
If I could, I would do anything to have you here right now. Rest assured Mommy still loves you and will always keep you tucked away in that special place in my heart that is reserved just for my Sweet Pea.
Until we meet again. . .
All my love,
Mommy
Friday, February 13, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Is it March yet?
This is harder than I thought! I am definitely ready for March!
I went and enrolled Brooks for next year. We are sending him to a class that is for children that have had two years of preschool, but the parents are waiting to send them to Kindergarten because of a late birthday. So this will be a perfect fit for him (hopefully). Plus it is at the church that is right at the corner of our neighborhood. I am worried because he went through K at St. Joe this year, but as long as he has fun we can continue to work with him on the reading and math. He will go on MWF from 12:30-3:00. That will be a big change, but I am very excited to have him home with me!
There were three of us enrolling kiddos. 2 pregnant women and me! Fantastic! They were going on and on and on about when they were due, and how they were due 10 days apart, and maybe they would see each other at the hospital, and how neat that would be, etc., etc. I just filled out my paperwork. But as the lady started to take us on the tour, they asked the question. One of them had a 3 year old and one had a 2 year old. They then turned and said how old is your child? I said I was enrolling my four year old in the pre-k and then there was the awkward silence while they waited for me to say how old my other child was. Remember, Johnson County is the reproductive capital of the world. It was then I started to realize that all families are judged for their size, big or small. I thought of the lady who just had a litter (octuplets) and realized that for as much flack as people give her for having 14 children, only children families get the same kind of flack, just on the other end of the spectrum. While I in no way agree with Octomom I do see the judgement on all types of families.
Overall we are doing good, it is just difficult to think of where we would be right now. And for some reason so many people have been asking Brooks if he wants a baby sister or brother. Obviously, these people don't know the history, but it still hurts. Brooks continues to say he wants to be a brother and in my heart I realize there is nothing more I would love to give him! I did think/hope we would be pregnant by now, but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon.
Please keep us in your prayers as we travel through these next couple weeks.
I went and enrolled Brooks for next year. We are sending him to a class that is for children that have had two years of preschool, but the parents are waiting to send them to Kindergarten because of a late birthday. So this will be a perfect fit for him (hopefully). Plus it is at the church that is right at the corner of our neighborhood. I am worried because he went through K at St. Joe this year, but as long as he has fun we can continue to work with him on the reading and math. He will go on MWF from 12:30-3:00. That will be a big change, but I am very excited to have him home with me!
There were three of us enrolling kiddos. 2 pregnant women and me! Fantastic! They were going on and on and on about when they were due, and how they were due 10 days apart, and maybe they would see each other at the hospital, and how neat that would be, etc., etc. I just filled out my paperwork. But as the lady started to take us on the tour, they asked the question. One of them had a 3 year old and one had a 2 year old. They then turned and said how old is your child? I said I was enrolling my four year old in the pre-k and then there was the awkward silence while they waited for me to say how old my other child was. Remember, Johnson County is the reproductive capital of the world. It was then I started to realize that all families are judged for their size, big or small. I thought of the lady who just had a litter (octuplets) and realized that for as much flack as people give her for having 14 children, only children families get the same kind of flack, just on the other end of the spectrum. While I in no way agree with Octomom I do see the judgement on all types of families.
Overall we are doing good, it is just difficult to think of where we would be right now. And for some reason so many people have been asking Brooks if he wants a baby sister or brother. Obviously, these people don't know the history, but it still hurts. Brooks continues to say he wants to be a brother and in my heart I realize there is nothing more I would love to give him! I did think/hope we would be pregnant by now, but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon.
Please keep us in your prayers as we travel through these next couple weeks.
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