Letter to my child

Dearest Sweet Pea-

This Saturday marks the day you would have joined our family. All of the “what ifs” continue to go through my mind. I think what the moment you were born would have been like. Would you look like me or Daddy? Would you cry like Brooks? Would you have had a head full of hair and long fingers? I wonder who would have been there. And I wonder how I would have done it all without Mimi.

But, as we both know, our love took a unique turn last October. And although I still cry thinking about the events that unfolded I am comforted by the fact that you never knew any pain. Mommy and Daddy struggled to decide what would be best for you. We also wanted your big brother to be able to best deal with what was happening. I was your life support for those 5 months and I will never forget that special time we spent together. I would talk with you all day long. Before we lost you I read a weekly update on the pregnancy that said you could hear our voices. I am so glad I had that time to reassure you how loved and wanted you were. You were going to complete our family. You were to be the “baby” of the family. And let me tell you, from one baby to another, it is quite the role.

But none of that was to be. . . You were meant to be with Jesus and although I think of you everyday, I know you are healed and living among the angels in heaven. So until we meet again, know that your “life” here was not without impact. Although we didn’t get the chance to see your beautiful face, you brought love to our family. You showed us that we are not in control, and we have to appreciate the time we have with those we love.

If I could, I would do anything to have you here right now. Rest assured Mommy still loves you and will always keep you tucked away in that special place in my heart that is reserved just for my Sweet Pea.

Until we meet again. . .
All my love,
Mommy