Plugging along!

Hopefully you all saw the message that it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. My prayers are with every mother, father, grandparent, sibling, etc. that has lost a little one. God bless all the little ones that never got a shot at life.

As for us, we are here and doing pretty well. I still am having trouble adjusting to the fact that I was 5 months pregnant one day and not pregnant the next. That is quite a shock physically and emotionally. I am healing pretty well, but it sucks that I am dealing with everything that you normally deal with after a vaginal birth. My follow up appointment is on Monday and then I should be "released". This is actually bittersweet. I don't know that I want it to all be over because then the true healing must begin. However I think it is best that I begin to learn to live with this loss. It seems like as long as other things in my life are going okay I do fine. It is when other things start to fall apart that I fall apart. Like for instance our Internet went out two days ago and Maddy had an ear infection. You would have thought the world was ending. But it just seems like I can't handle much more than what is on my plate right now. I also think it is magnified because I NEED my Mom to get through this. I am glad she is up there rocking and loving on Sweet Pea, but I still need her here. I find myself wondering what she would say to comfort me.

I also want so badly to be pregnant. I know that I just want to be pregnant again with Sweet Pea, but it is like I need that happiness in my life. Josh is not so convinced. He would be content with just Brooks. He also is not ready to face the fact of something like this happening again. I feel like I want a sibling for Brooks and I can't imagine ending my childbearing years on this sad of note. I guess time will tell. One thing I do know is that if we have another child we will forever answer questions about why they are so spread out.

And to end with a perfect quote. . .
"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."